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Horoscope

At Daily Downtime HQ, we predict the future thanks to our advanced understanding of the non-linear nature of space-time and a strategic alliance with NASA. We understand that you might not have access to these impressive resources and higher brain functions, so we offer up the following predictions for your pleasure:

icon paul wade   Paul Wade
Paul is Daily Downtime’s astrologer and there is no-one who knows more about the zodiac than he. His predictions are hugely popular online already, and now he brings his insight to us. It’s just as well he does because the rest of this lot are mad as ferrets.		 icon predict-o-bot   Predict-O-Bot
Only a frail human mind would assume the future couldn’t be predicted. Using advanced algorithms and Bayesian maths, Predict-O-Bot will give you a horoscope to 99.98783775% accuracy.
 
icon whether man   Whether Man
Storms of uncertainty gather around your future, with only a sturdy wind of prediction from me to dissipate them. For a brighter outlook, read my scopes and be prepared!		 icon tei-ling yu   Tei-Ling Yu
Tei-Ling Yu has made wise prediction of fortune for catering industry since before liberation of Hong Kong. You read and you know wisdom of East is inside. Cookie taste nice too.
 
icon the minister   The Minister
Under the previous administration, predictions were down twenty percent. Inner city children were not getting the futurology they deserved. The Minister is the harbringer of better horoscopes. Vote today!		 icon the flower child   The Flower Child
Be free, and the future will not tie you down! Dance in the meadows and you’ll be happy. Live, live for the moment! What lies ahead is revealed only to me, and it’s a delicious haze…
 
icon the bard   The Bard
Pray silence, groundlings, for you bask in the greatness. My literary blossom is heavy with nectar; nectar that I impart to ye all in moderation. Ask not too much of The Bard, for my patience with the unwashed is thin indeed.		 icon teeny tim   Teeny Tim
Mummy said I was allowed to talk to you all about what’s happening soon, though I mustn’t tell you things if they are nasty. Like that time I told Uncle Trevor about his wife’s singing lessons. He said rude words then.